Political Conversations with Family and Friends

Friends, it’s November 5, 2018, and you know what that means—the midterm election cycle is almost over! As much as I value the right to vote and take part in shaping the present and future of this country, I am also acutely aware of the social and emotional tension surrounding elections. And that tense climate affects us all.

As a therapist-coach, I have often heard people’s woes and worries about not just voting, but how to talk about their political decisions and values with people who disagree with them. And how much more difficult is it when that person is someone you care about deeply? Perhaps this New York Times video When Your Loved Ones Voted the Other Way rings a bell. This conversation has been key on a national level since 2015 when the last presidential race went sour, but I find that this issue resurfaces with every holiday season. You know you’ll be seeing that uncle who sees the world differently than you do. You’re sure to run into X at the company holiday party. And what to say during your weekly phone call to [someone] who doesn’t vote at all? Maybe you didn’t vote and you’re not sure how to explain why.


For some, the solution to the problem is simply to avoid the unease. Whether you cut the political conversation short before it gets heated, or whether you say at the beginning, “let’s just avoid the topic altogether,” you find a way to steer clear of disagreement and stick to the topics that have always brought joy: kids, school, food, vacations, the weather, and so on. And it’s okay to do that!

Some of you may be looking to build your skill set for talking politics with those who you don’t see eye to eye with. I think this TED talk is a really inspiring conversation about how two friends have chosen their friendship over their differences: How Our Friendship Survives Our Opposing Politics. With family, sometimes our familiarity is the first problem to discussing opposing viewpoints; we can forget to allow our loved ones to change their minds, or we forget to listen to their ideas. For more on this, you might read How to Talk About Politics with Your Family.

What I think is important to remember is that many of our interactions with people we love are habits. When together, it’s easy to fall back into our patterns of avoidance, disagreement or debate. To change your patterns, start with awareness. Once you are aware of your habits with different people, you can backtrack to to notice what triggered it. Sometimes the simple act of awareness allows up the space to choose a different path.


Voting, politics, civic engagement and democracy are all important, but so is your sense of calm, your sense of ease. If you’re still worried about how to talk to loved ones about your political values, or if the holidays are always a strained time in your family, then I invite you to join me on Friday, November 9th, noon-1pm PDT for a free talk about Navigating Relationship Challenges. I’ll share more practical tools and insights that I’ve gathered over my 20 years in therapy and coaching.


Summer Thrive Guide

Summer is here in all it's hot, dry & busy glory. If you've been on the roads this summer, you've seen it. Everyone out and about making the most of the season, some of us more frazzled and fried than others -  all of which takes a toll on our bodies and minds.

I have some simple tips to help you keep your cool this summer. No, it's not the latest low-cal spritzer wine or a unicorn floatie, although both do look pretty refreshing. 

Summer can be described as hot, dry, humid and fast and since we aren't separate from nature, we also experience these qualities in our bodies and mind. (heartburn or road rage anyone?)

When we notice symptoms of burn out in our body and mind, it's time to incorporate some cooling, neutralizing and relaxing activities. Think: watermelon, cool showers, and hammock time.

And I recommend incorporating the first habit I teach in my Vibrant Body/Wise Mind course which is eating an Earlier, Lighter Dinner.

Your body is designed to digest it's largest meal during the day, not at night. Eat earlier and lighter and you'll digest your food before bed reducing the toxic load on your body. You’ll wake up sparky vs. with a food hangover.

Aim to eat dinner before 6:30 pm then close your kitchen. No snacking. 

Aim for simple, easy to digest foods: think soup or salad. Avoid meat, alcohol and heavy foods.

Try it out. I promise you will decrease the physical load on your body and therefore your mind, too. (Remember, the body and brain are connected.) You’ll feel lighter in body and mind. 

You'll avoid arriving in fall burned out and fried which results in reduced immunity leaving you susceptible to every germ bug this winter.

When you incorporate more cooling, relaxing activities and eat an earlier, lighter dinner, you’ll have more energy for all the summer fun yet to come. 

Invitation to Change

“This lunar cycle opens up with a fiery new moon on Aries which occurs on April 15...On the same day as the new moon, Mercury will station direct. Revealing what was hidden, Mercury’s change in direction sets us out on a new cycle with greater clarity.  

“This new moon is also the last in Aries to conjunct Uranus for the next 80 or so years….this new moon promises to be awakening, helping us to break new ground and make bold new beginnings.”   -Chani Nicolas.

I don’t know a lot about astrology, but I look at it like the seasonal changes around me. The planets and stars have their own patterns and relationships much like the ecosystem around us (and in us.)

My limited understanding allows me to hear what I need rather than getting caught up in what each planet's position means for my present moment.

Looking to the stars helps me gain perspective. “WOW! The Universe is so vast and amazing and here I am worried about whether my pants fit.”  Small. Problems.

It helps me see what’s possible. “Each day up there is different than the next. Relationships and positions are in constant motion. If that’s true for the stars and planets, and I am not separate from the Universe, that must be true for me, too.” Nothing is permanent or static. Not my feelings. Not my bad habits. Not my thought patterns.

It helps me trust. I think, “If things are always changing and it happens without me orchestrating it, how much more easeful could my life be I be if I aligned with the natural rhythms of the world around me?” Ahhh....I feel relaxed. I feel supported. I feel relieved that I'm not actually running the show.

I know tapping into this sense of wonder and trust and relief is difficult for some people. I see it all the time in my own self and my work with people. It takes time and patience. It helps to have practices and habits to allow it to show up more. 

Hear this... Everyone is capable of this alignment and ease. In fact, you’ve already experienced it many times in your life.
Remember that amazing sunrise?
How about that time your were fishing alone on the river?
You know that feeling your get when you walk the trail by your house?
When you hold a brand new baby? 
It’s there inside you. 

If you want more ease, trust, alignment, invite it. Cultivate it. (It is planting season after all.) 

Design your lifestyle to allow it to show up. Slow down. Schedule down time. Put down your phone. Get quiet for a minute. Look out the window. Get up and walk in nature. Do some yoga. Take a bath. Listen to music.

You can always start somewhere. Wherever you are.

YOU are not static nor permanent. You are not stuck this way forever. You, like the planets, are always in motion. Always changing. Allow it to be.

#1 Habit for Staying Healthy

Number one habit for decreasing stress and staying healthy??

Sleep. Not diet. Not exercise. Not herbal supplements. Sleep.

To stay healthy in body and mind, we must begin to prioritize sleep. Winter is the ideal season for sleep banking. It's naturally dark. It's cold. Think hibernation. When you are sleeping, the body and mind clean house. They can't do that when you are Netflixing at 11pm. Aim for 8-9 hours.

If you aren't getting good sleep (can't fall asleep or stay asleep), more often than not you are stressed. Either your body/physiology is stressed or your mind is stressed. You probably know which. Or both. (They are connected, by the way.)

What do you need to do to reduce your stress?
Don't get caught up in the mainstream belief that you are somehow a slave to your lifestyle, your career, the demands of your family. This is outdated. You can design your life. In fact, you have designed the way it is right now. And so, you can change it.

What is the one teeny change you can make today to reduce the stress on your body or mind?

You might think that isn't enough. And it might not be for good sleep tonight, but it's moving you in the direction of better sleep. More than believing you can't change. More than continuing your stressful habits!

How bad to do you want it?
How much more of a life could you have if you weren't sick all the time? We're stressed all the time?
How much more available could you be to your kids, your work, your own hobbies if you felt good?

Keeping Kids Safe

Yesterday, a friend texted me feeling anxious after hearing news of kids being molested by a trusted adult and wondered what she should be doing to keep her own kids safe. What should she tell them? What do I tell my kids?

These are difficult parenting moments, right? No parent wants to tell their kids bad things happen in the world. No one wants their kids to learn some adults hurt kids. We want them to stay innocent and protected from these horrible things. It makes sense. We're wired to protect our kids, but just like real self-care sometimes means doing the difficult thing (getting our ass out of bed and to the gym), protecting our kids sometimes means having uncomfortable conversations.

Here are some tips to make it easier for you and effective learning for your kids.

1. Teach body safety like you teach all other safety rules. Examples: "Look both ways before you cross the street." "We wear bike helmets to protect our brains." "No one is allowed to touch your body without your permission." Keep it simple and matter-of-fact. 

2. Keep your adult anxiety and fear out of the conversation. You wouldn't show your five year-old pictures of a mangled kid under a car to teach them about street-crossing safety. You don't need to watch the evening news with them or share details about child molestation to teach them body safety. In fact, depending on their age, you shouldn't. 

3. Teaching body safety is an on-going conversation. Just like you don't show your kid a cross walk once and then never mention again how to cross a street safely, you don't talk about body safety rules once and then never again until they are dating. Take the pressure off yourself and consider you are starting an on-going conversation.

4. Use natural teaching moments. Use everyday events to remind or quiz (kids love a quiz!) your kids about body safety rules. Example: your kid has a doctor appointment.
Parent: "Now is Dr. _____ someone who can touch your body? Why? Why not?"
Another example: Your kid is going on a playdate at a new-ish friend's house.
Parent: "You haven't played at ____'s house before. This is a great time to review the safety rules. Can you remember some?
Kid: "Wear a helmet. No leaving the property. Never touch a gun and immediately leave the room and tell an adult (OMG. That's another blog post.) No one is allowed to touch my body without my permission. If someone wants to touch my private parts or wants me to look at or touch theirs, I tell _____'s mom and you."
When it is an on-going conversation and part of everyday activity, kids internalize the safety rules.

4. Develop their skills to decrease vulnerability. Knowing body safety rules is one thing; having the ability to say "No" to a big kid or an adult is another. Especially if your kids are rule-followers vs rebels. Help your child develop the skills necessary to stand up for themselves by practicing in real life.  You want them to be able to be...
Assertive: To say "No" to an adult in a firm and respectful way.
Intuitive: To trust their gut.
Courageous: To ask for help from an adult when they need it, and not just you.
Attached: To tell you if something happens.

Real life strategies to foster these skills:

  • Have your kid order for themselves in a restaurant. 
  • Allow your child space and time to answer an adult's questions, especially strangers making small talk (like grocery store clerks, for example).
  • Ask your child to run something over to the neighbor's house for you.
  • Have an older child purchase something from the corner store while you wait in the car.
  • When rough-housing at home, stop as soon as your child says, "Stop."
  • Knock before entering the bathroom or bedroom.
  • Invite your child to give you honest feedback. Practice taking it. ("What do you think about this meal? How did you feel when I lost my temper?")
  • Listen, really listen (like put down your phone and make eye contact) when your child is telling you something about their day. Give them the message everyday that you want to hear everything; that they can tell you anything. 

5. Have an explicit conversation if you haven't already. The age and stage of your child determines how much you tell them and when. Just like the birds and the bees. You don't explain intercourse the first time your are talking about puberty. When they are ready, you tell them more. Fortunately, most kids ask questions or show us behaviors that tell us they need more information. Some kids don't, though and we have to be more direct. I find books are a great way to introduce concepts and get the conversation going. (Please re-read any book like this before you share it with your child to determine whether it is appropriate for your child's age/stage.)

For 2-5 year olds
It's My Body: A Book To Teach Children How to Resist Uncomfortable Touch by Lori Britain

For 4-8 year olds
Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Maude Spelman

For 6-10 year olds
I said No: A Kid-to-Kid Guide for Keeping Private Parts Private by Kimberly King

6. Educate your kids about their entire body. Start "sex-ed" early and and often. The more educated and aware a child is about their entire body (physical, mental, energetic, intuitive) the better care of it they will take. The more they value and honor their bodies, they less likely they are to let anyone else hurt it. The days of telling kids about puberty in 6th grade and sex/AIDS in 8th grade are gone. Our kids are living in different times. We need to equip them with the body knowledge and self-care habits from the get-go. Amazing You by Gail Saltz is a great book to start with. Tracey Biebel, LCSW at Practicalparentingpdx.com is the best for advice in this arena. In fact, much of what I know I learned from her. 

7. Model what you want them to know. Don't underestimate the power of what you are showing your kids. How you conduct yourself. How you care for yourself. How you assert yourself. How you ask for help. How you trust your gut. All of this, they are watching and learning and absorbing. Take comfort in that where you may be lacking in terms of the right words at the right time, your kids are learning how to be safe in the world from watching you. If you aren't sure you're role modeling what you want for your kids, it's time to turn it around.

Okay. Hope that helps. Always happy to talk more. Drop me a line with your questions or concerns. If I can't help, I know people who can!


Morning Quiet Time

I love my morning quiet time. I love the benefits of it. I feel more connected to myself, my body, the world around me.  I feel less hectic and have greater perspective. (So why do I sometimes fall out of habit?!)

This morning I started again. Morning quiet time for me sometimes means sitting quietly in the dark before I head to the gym. Sometimes I take more time to read a passage from an inspirational book or pull a medicine card. It often involves taking a few notes. It helps me hear my own voice and set my intention for the day.

One of my goals for 2018 is to deepen my meditation practice. I want to be come more consistent with this practice and I'm setting up some strategies to help me with this goal. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

If you want to experiment with starting a morning quiet time, set yourself up for success with these tips.

Set up your space before you go to bed. A spot on the couch perhaps? Your yoga mat? Gather all your supplies. A blanket, a candle, your journal.

Make it so easy you can't say no. Start with sitting sitting quietly for 2 minutes. Just sit. Say a prayer or repeat a mantra. Read a passage from a daily devotional. Write in a few notes in your journal. It doesn't matter. You are just trying to develop the habit. Pick something that works for you.

Allow the feelings/experience to sink in for a few moments before you are off and running. This helps you internalize the "reward" of starting your day with reflection.

Here's an example of something I read this morning.

Read it slowly.
Read it like a prayer to yourself.

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.

- mary anne radmacher

Sit quietly for a minute. Notice how you feel.

That's it! You did it! 


Thrive the Holidays

The holidays are upon us! How are you all doing?? I love so many things about the holidays. My cranberry spice candle, seasonal coffee beverages, road trips to see family, the lights, the music, holiday cards with the cutest family pictures, the anticipation. 

I also have a tendency to over-do it. I am prone to doing too much and burning out in all the ways. Too much food. Too many sweets. Too many parties, plans, obligations. I'm like a kid in a candy store and I don't know my own limits.

I resolved to do this holiday differently. I am learning from my past mistakes. I realize that more than two sips of an eggnog latte makes me feel crappy. Staying up late to address 100 holidays cards can be more stressful than rewarding. Saying yes to all the invitations because well, FOMO results in me being grumpy with my family and skimping on my self-care. Boo. No more of that.

This year I said no to holiday cards. (Sorry folks. Maybe next year. Thanks for sending me yours though!!) We decided to buy fewer gifts for fewer people. No eggnog lattes for me, but I'll peer pressure anyone I'm with to get one so I can have some sips. And I'm sticking with my morning self-care routine. It keeps me healthy in body, mind and spirit. 

I gave a talk a few weeks ago on how to thrive, not just survive the holidays. I created this tip sheet for people as a reminder to take good care of themselves during the holiday. Simple habits with big results. 

If you are prone to getting swept away in all the energy of the season, join me in resolving to do the holidays differently. To be more present. To arrive in January intact. Your future self thanks you!


What's up with you?!

If you've been hanging around for a while, you've noticed there's been some changes to my work. I'm writing more, offering free talks, leading courses in addition to working individually with people. I'm experiencing a time of rapid growth and sometimes it is hard to keep up with all the ideas and desires flooding in. Today I felt compelled to write about what's motivating these changes.

Ultimately, it comes down to wanting to help people wake up, to love themselves, to make the most of this short life we've been given. I want to help people thrive. Nothing is better than seeing someone light up, start believing in themselves, and seeing the potentiality of their life. When that happens, the changes in them are exciting to witness. It can be a rocky ride, no doubt, but compared to snoozing through the years? Totally worth it. 

I've  been a therapist for nearly 17 years now and in the social work field for 22. I've worked with hundreds of children, families and adults in a variety of settings. I've learned a lot about what helps and what doesn't. 

In that time, I've gotten married. Lost friends. Made new ones. Had two kids. Got sober (6.5 years now!) Beat cancer. Faced my demons. Learned to love myself. (Still working on those two). My life experiences have changed me and are affecting how I want to be in the world.

It boils down to me feeling called to work with people in a different way. While therapy has it's benefits (I've been a happy customer myself for many years), I'm feeling led to be with people in a less clinical way. I want to teach. I want to connect people with each other. I want to be in a community of people who want to grow and change. Not just to improve our own lives, although that is where we all need to start, but to ultimately heal our families, our communities, our world. We need it now more than ever.

It starts with us. It starts with us taking very good care of our bodies. All five of our bodies: physical, energetic, mental, intuitive and bliss bodies. Talking about our stuff is helpful for sure, but it has it's limitations. We have to take what we've learned in therapy and life and put it into action. That's what I feel called to help people do in a very practical and proactive way.

I'm doing this by giving free talks, leading workshops, coaching people and teaching a self-care habit course several times a year. It feels good. It feels right to be integrating my personal experiences and my clinical expertise to help people who are tired of talking about it.... and ready to grow and change. 

That's all. Just wanted to share what's going on "behind the scenes." Thanks for being willing to ride along with me. 2017 has brought a ton of growth. I have some idea where I want to go in 2018, but mostly I'm opening up to allow what's unfolding to continue to do so.

I want nothing more than for you to have what I'm experiencing. You deserve it!

The Voices in My Head

"I don't deserve it. I haven't earned the privilege or the right. I don't work hard enough. I don't have enough money. It's selfish. It's indulgent and self-centered. It's a waste of money. It's impulsive."

"Only self-centered, fancy, rich, shallow people do this. Only people who are joiners, who are weak, who need others. Only people who need external things to make themselves feel better. I don't need that. I can do it on my own. I'm practical. I know how to go without. Look at how well I've done despite depriving myself."  

"I can't be away from my family, from my kids. Selfish people choose themselves over their children. I can't ask other people to help me. I can't expect other people's lives to be disrupted for my needs and desires. I can only ask for help if it's dire. I can't ask my partner to do more than he already does. I can't take time and money from my children for myself. I shouldn't have fun unless it's with my family."

"I don't even like groups. What will they think of me? Maybe I'll just be myself. Which self? What if I don't like the people there? What if it's too much time around other people? Or worse, what if I'm not authentic and I waste the precious opportunity? What will I eat? What should I wear? How will I fit in?"

I don't share these thoughts to make you feel bad for me or to tell me I shouldn't think these things.  And depending on your relationship with me, it might be hard to hear I have these kinds of thoughts. 

I share them to demonstrate how voices in our head operate. They are very real. Very distinct and often very powerful. They have competing fears, needs, and ways of coping. They have a different feeling sense to them: angry, defensive, hopeless, protective, self righteous, vulnerable, etc. 

They operate all the time. Mostly in the background, but sometimes right out front. Embrace the opportunity to witness your thoughts no matter how uncomfortable. Get to know the voices in your head. They are driving your feelings and reactions all the time anyway. 

I share these to exorcise them from myself. To put them out in the open. The voices lose their power when the light of day comes and are witnessed by myself and others. It's easier to see their lies. It's easier to understand where they came from, how long they've been around and what they are trying to do to help/protect me. 

I can see how flimsy their arguments are and how they hold no power over my burning desire to continue to evolve and grow into the person I'm meant to be.

You will have your own feelings when you read this. You might know me and think, "She's messed up. I feel bad for her." Or "She shouldn't feel that way. She's great."  Or "I'm relieved to know other people have these kinds of thoughts."  

Whatever it is, it doesn't matter to me. But it should be curious to you. Because right then you'll have the opportunity to witness the voice in your own head. 

Aging Gracefully

Perhaps this blog post should be titled "Tips for Staying Vibrant as You Age," because I don't know many women who walk around being all that graceful or dream of being more graceful as they age. Most of us are living large, living loud and intend to make the most of our lives up until the end.

But if we want to do all these things, we have to have a healthy body and the energy to sustain us. We must take better care of our bodies, minds and spirits starting now. Massages, pedicures and weekends at the beach aren't going to cut it. Sorry! 

Fortunately, the yogis and the ancient healing tradition of Ayurveda lend us their wisdom for longevity and vitality. Ayurveda philosophy reminds us that we are a part of nature.  We are made of the same elements as the natural world. God did not create this beautiful world and then plop us down on it like little Lego people. We came from it, belong to it and are therefore inseparable. 

Disease and dis-ease arise when we do not respect this fact. When we go against the natural rhythm of life. When we row our boat upstream versus going with the flow. (More on this topic later...) And health, vitality and longevity are ours when we align ourselves with the rhythm of the natural world around us. Think: sleep when it's dark, arise with sun. Respect the seasons and adjust your diet and activity level to align with them, etc.

Check out these tips from me and from yoga and Ayurveda for Aging Gracefully (or Wildly if that's more your style.)

  • Visualize yourself in perfect health as often as possible. Get a feeling sense of how this healthy person (you!) feels, acts, looks. Let this internal feeling guide your choices and your actions throughout the day.
  • Be honest with yourself about your current state of health and the effects on your life. Minimizing your symptoms or ignoring them does not help. Wise action can only be taken when you are honest about what you are dealing with.
  • Align your daily rhythm with the natural world. You are not separate from that out of which you arose. Eat seasonally. Respect the cycle of day/night. Adjust your activity level to the time of day and the season. Aim to restore balance when your habits are out of alignment.
  • Eat an Earlier, Lighter Dinner. Your body is not made to digest heavy food at night. When you eat heavier and later, you burden your body and rob it of it’s energy to repair and restore. Eat earlier and lighter and you’ll sleep better, wake lighter and feel energized.
  • Go to Bed Earlier. When you eat earlier, you’ll be ready for bed earlier. Aim to be asleep by 10pm so your body can use that time and natural energy cycle for repairing and healing your body and mind. Develop a bedtime routine to help you fall asleep easier and sleep longer.
  • Start the day with Quiet Reflection. Begin each day by connecting to the larger Universe, Source or your higher self. Take time to connect with your breath and your body. Practice gratitude. Pray. Journal. Set your intention for the day. Starting the day with quiet reflection will help you make conscious decisions regarding food, stress level and daily activities.
  • Maintain Social Connections. Studies show that people who are socially connected live longer, happier lives. Invest in your friendships. Prioritize time with others. Join a club or community. Commit to staying connected to you the people around you.
  • Use it or lose it. Your brain that is. The more you challenge your brain, the sharper it stays. Play games, do crossword puzzles, read challenging material, build new habits.  Have lively debates. Think of your brain like a muscle in your body. If you neglect it, it becomes soft. When you make it work, you strengthen it. A healthy brain is key thriving as you age.

If you want to have a conversation about your personal wellness goals, call or email me. I'd love to schedule a time to talk by phone or in person. Together we can explore where you are now, where you want to be, and the best plan to get you there.

lael@laelpetersen.com                  503.313.4802                   www.laelpetersen.com

Get Yourself Connected

Mother Teresa said one of the biggest diseases today "is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of not belonging." She knew better than most the pain of not belonging. She saw it every day. We also know how it feels to be disconnected  - whether it be from our family or our peer group or even from ourselves. Our true feelings and desires. 

We are wired for connection, but our modern life can make that challenging. We are way too busy. We are pulled in so many directions. We're distracted and tired. In this disconnection from ourselves, we are quick to judge each other, to fear each other.

Sometimes when I'm driving around, I look around at the other drivers in their cars. When I'm at the grocery store, I sometimes look at the people around me. I can't help but think, "Man, we are all the same! In more ways than we are different. We are all trying to do a good job, love our kids, be the best human being we can despite our pain and our personal challenges." It makes me sad that we aren't each other's cheer leaders on this journey of life.

What kind of difference would that make?

We thrive when we feel connected. Awareness is what helps us remember that we are.

Connection with each other begins with us. Practicing mindfulness - just a few moments of non-judgmental awareness of what is going on in our bodies, our minds and around us - cultivates awareness. That awareness creates connection with ourselves and therefore with others. Its a natural progression. 

Do you feel disconnected? From yourself or someone in your life? Do you feel like you don't quite fit in or that everyone else has a tribe and you don't? It's not true. We are all connected. It's a matter of perception. 

So, how can you practice mindfulness today to cultivate that awareness within yourself? What's the one small step you can take toward creating more connection?

Okay, Autumn... here we come!

Autumn is upon us... at least according to the calendar, but from the weather in Portland today (warm and sunny) you wouldn't know it!

For those of us who recognize we are not separate from nature, that we are made up of the same elements as the natural world, we pay particular attention to these changes in season. We consciously shift our focus and align our lives to be more in balance with the natural world around us. 

But why? Why does that matter? What's so important about aligning with the current season?

Isn't that "living in rhythm" stuff all a little hippie-dippie?

It might seem like it at first, but hear me out.  If you are reading this, you are probably invested in your health and well-being. You want to know how to feel better, how to grow and evolve. So it would benefit you to know there are significant health and mental health consequences for not living in alignment with the season. 

Imagine rowing a boat upriver all the time. Now imagine that boat is your body and mind. It's exhausting, right?  

When we align ourselves to the natural world including the qualities of the season, we begin to move with the current of life - like gently guiding our boat down stream. We immediately relieve the drain on our energy or life force.

How might your lifestyle be draining your energy and contributing to your anxiety and overwhelm? How might it be affecting your lack of clarity and depression? your chronic pain and health issues?

Okay, so you get why it is important, now how do you relieve this constant stress? Understand this: "like increases like" and "opposites balance."

If you're anxious - do more and sleep less. You'll definitely create more anxiety. Conversely, if you clear your calendar and rest more, your anxiety will decrease.

When we apply these principles to ourselves and the natural world, we see that autumn carries the qualities of being light, dry, cold and mobile (windy). We recognize that these elements are also present in our own bodies and minds: think dry skin, unfocused mind, restless sleep, variable energy. Living in rhythm with the season calls us to balance these naturally occurring qualities of autumn with ones that are more grounding and stable (think: warm, soft, heavy and slow).

You can do this by...

  • eating cooked foods that are heavier and warming (soups and stews)
  • practicing yoga that is grounding and relaxing versus fast and athletic
  • taking mini breaks throughout the day to rest your eyes and mind
  • massaging your body with oils and/or taking a warm bath 
  • using scents in your home and work space that are warming and grounding (think nutmeg, cedarwood, ginger, vetiver)
  • going to bed earlier

You probably do some of these things already. (Where did you learn it??)

Recognize the change in season brings changes inside you. You can either work with or against your natural state. Both have consequences. Which do you prefer?


When your crutches are removed

It's hot outside. The gorge is on fire. In fact, much of the NW is on fire. The air is too unhealthy to breathe, so the house has been shut up tight for two days. No cool(ish) evening breeze coming through the windows as the sun goes down. No window AC unit to blast arctic air into our bedrooms. Not tonight.

Just when I'm about to start fussing about being hot or the fact that I'll probably get less sleep in these conditions, I think of the families who are currently displaced, waiting and hoping their homes aren't burning down. I think of the firefighters who head straight into the most intense heat and danger to save us, our homes, our beautiful and sacred land. I think of the animals. I can surely suck it up and sleep on top of the covers.

But this wasn't intended to be a post about attitude adjustments or how gratitude shifts our energy, it's about... 

What happens when our crutches are removed? How to we handle it?

What came up for me last night after I stopped feeling sorry for myself, was the awareness of how much I rely on creating "ideal conditions" for optimal mood stability. In that moment, I recognized again how much I pad my environment with routines, supplements, accessories (clothing, furniture, the perfect mug) in order to maintain a good mood. A stable mind.

Don't get me wrong... I'm all about self-care not self-deprivation, so if you love a certain pillow by all means, don't put it on the floor to deprive yourself! I'm all about knowing what your mind and body need to be efficient, awake and aware and being grateful for the blessings we have. What I'm talking about here is what happens when we have to go without? 

Perhaps there is some room in our very wealthy, very comfortable lives to notice what we miss out on when we are continually supported in our melatonin-taking, soothing-cool-bedtime -showering, perfect-comfy-jammie-wearing, arctic-air-filled-bedrooms lives. 

What comes up for you when your crutches are removed? Do you rush to find another thing to prop you up? (Where's that fan?!) Or do you take the opportunity to stop, notice what feelings are arising and inquire as to whether there is another way to be with the feelings?

It is in these moments... and life gives them to us all the time if we are paying attention... where we can get a glimpse into what we are feeling underneath. What we are really made of. Who are truly are. 

So I invite you to consider discomfort or inconvenience as a way to go deeper into yourself. To experiment with this self-inquiry and who knows, you may just get some insight into a habit or belief that has been holding you back in more ways than you realize. And that you can be grateful for.  

Hawk Medicine

Yesterday as I was returning from an early morning walk, I noticed two hawks (Cooper's Hawks, I think) swooping around my block. I'd never seen them before so I stopped to watch them for a while. Turns out they were interested in the newly independent, but not quite street-wise adolescent crows. For a meal, I'm supposing. They perched and swooped and generally riled up our neighborhood crows for nearly 90 minutes. The crows didn't seem frightened which was surprising, more annoyed although they did call in some neighboring crow families for some added protection.

I've learned that when something catches our attention like that - something beautiful or unusual - especially if it's occurring in the natural world, it's a prompt for us to stop, take notice and sense whether there is some lesson or message for us. It's a lovely practice and one that provides me much joy. Like a more grown-up version of looking up someone's birthday in those astrological birthday books and seeing if what it says is true! I approach this with a curious attitude, a playfulness - as a reminder to get out of my head and tap into the larger cosmos around me.

My medicine cards had this to say: "Hawk medicine invites us to pay attention. To observe the signals Life is sending you. It's time to heighten awareness and receive the message." It goes on to say, "You are only as powerful as your capacity to perceive, receive , and use your abilities."

Thank you, Hawks. I know you were doing your thing without a thought about me, but your presence this morning was a break from the routine and a gift to remind me to pay attention what's happening around me - not just with my mental mind, but with my intuition as well.

The Feeling Afterward

After being in the social work and therapy world for over 20 years, I know a lot of strategies for helping people find peace and well-being, but the lessons I learn myself seem to be the most meaningful to teach. Maybe that's true for most things. Isn't there that saying that first you learn it, then you practice it and finally you teach it? Something like that.

Well I experienced one of those life lessons again this morning and I want to share it with you. Maybe it will inspire you in some way!

First off, I still feel some resistance to talking about my personal life (but I also think talking about things in code is kinda weird.) Therapists aren't supposed to talk about their personal lives with their clients, so there's a part of me that cringes when I write like this. Another other part of me just wants to be human and connect with the people around me whether they are my friends, family or clients. So here goes...

I haven't done any strength training in over a year. I took a break from it when I was losing sight of what was best for me and my body. I turned my attention once again toward yoga which this time helped me realize I wanted to teach it. (Everything happens as it should.) So for the past year and a half, I've been softening my body: stretching and opening. Through a series of messages from the Universe, it's been made known to me that my body actually needs both: softening and strengthening.

So time to figure out what to do. Go back to the community I was a part of before? Find a new class or group? Do it on my own? For weeks, I've been caught up in the details: where to go, what to do, how to do it. I've also been wrestling with my "shoulds" and "cant's," waiting for the ideal situation and motivation to arrive... all the things that FEAR does to keep us from taking the next step.

But today it happened. I went to a circuit class at my gym. I didn't want to go. I woke up at 330 this morning and I have a full schedule today. I heard myself start in with all the reasons I could try it next week, but I stopped myself. I stopped and thought... 

"How will you feel if you don't go?"

Well, I would feel relieved. But then frustrated and disappointed that my excuses and fear are keeping me in this (soft) place. And a bit hopeless that things were never going to change.

Then I thought, "How will you feel if you DO go?"

Nervous at first, but then stoked! Tired, in a good way. Proud of myself. And relieved that I pushed past my fearful self-talk that's keeping me in this cycle of avoidance. 

By asking these questions, it became clear that going to class would result in MORE of the feelings and self-talk I want in my head and body rather than avoiding. So I went.

I say all of this to share with you this helpful strategy:

When you are scared to do something you need to do - like something to advance your physical or mental health or something to change up a situation in your life that is not working (job, relationship, lifestyle.....)

FOCUS more on the FEELING you'll have AFTERWARD and less on the self-talk beforehand.

When you do, you'll bust out of those old habits and patterns. You'll make more progress toward your goals. You'll find some freedom from old conditioned thoughts that keep you living small. And then watch fear take the backseat where it belongs.